DnDF17 Episode 2: Everything must be dwarf

Previously on DnDF17…

The members of Bacon Ipsum stared in growing horror at the flames consuming Moscone.

Datatello’s concern heightened with each area he recognized, but his eyes focused on his own neighborhood, wondering if his sister, Erikuhl, was safe.

Bakaryu had to use all of her mental discipline to stay put, seeing the glow and smoke from the Temple district.

Trailblazer turned away to seek Dirk in the crowd. Their handler had his head held down to his wrist, shaking it and prodding it, his visage one of consternation. She approached, waving vaguely at the door, “Where do you need us?”

“What?”

“I assume everyone’s scrambling at this point, but what are our orders?”

His eyes narrowed, “I’m not getting anything. What are you talking about?”

Perhaps just as confused as he clearly was, she pointed out the still-open door, hoping that the fires raging through the streets would be indicative enough of her question. His eyes widened, and he looked back at her, “They must have hit Site 14. Where are you going?”

This felt like some terrible comedy bit, and the timing was awful, “I don’t know! Where do you need us?”

He shook his head again, considered a moment, then reached into a pouch and tossed her a wrist brace similar to his, “Here. Take this. When Site 14 is back up and running, you’ll need to know what the plan is.”

He approached the prone, metal dwarf and leaned down to inspect. To Trailblazer’s horror, two needles rose from his chest and struck Dirk in the hand. Her years of surviving in the wilderness made it clear that this was poison, but no matter her abilities, she couldn’t pinpoint it.

“I’m fine! Go!”

With a frustrated shout to the patrons to look after him, Trailblazer joined the others, “The system is down. We have no orders.”

Even as she said it, as she listened to her companions’ reports, she saw the glow in the distance and knew that her mentor’s shop was, if not already burning, in danger of doing so soon. She focused on the reports, and nodded, “We need to get to the residential area first. The Temples have more power to stop this. We’ll go around in a loop.”

Datatello had already hopped onto his magical, rolling board and was heading toward his home, the others following. Erikuhl, his sister, was waiting, waving frantically when she recognized him.

“Are you ok?”

“Fine, I’m fine.”

“What about the kids?”

“They’re…” she trailed off, her eyes unfocused, as she tried to think – there were flames and children, and the children needed to be…led away from the flame. She had done that, yes. She nodded, “Yes, they are safe.”

“What happened here?”

“Dwarves! Large dwarves,” she started, rummaging through a pack and shoving things into his hands, “Take these!”

He looked down to see a pair of bracers and a necklace, a kind of upside down triangle with something carved into it. He had barely any time to don them, for lack of a place to put them otherwise at least, before three dwarves, large and covered in metal like the one Master of Coffee, turned in unison and began stalking toward them.

Things swiftly fell to chaos. Coming up swiftly behind Datatello, Kriv summoned fire and hurled it at the oncoming monstrosities. Either unprepared or unconcerned, the dwarves seemed to simply walk into the new flames. Bakaryu sprinted forward, first to ensure that neither Datatello nor Erikuhl were similarly engulfed in flame, and to open her maw and breathe a rolling ball of energy onto their attackers.

Datatello had retrieved his juggling balls, spinning them through the air; they gained momentum, as his companions attacked, and when he knew they were clear, he made his attacks, “You guys shouldn’t play with fire! You could get hurt that way!”

One of the weighted spheres flew directly at the dwarf closest to him, knocking into its head. It turned to stare quietly at him, and the half-orc moved closer to attack, punching him in his jaw. The dwarf had no reaction, but there was a definite sting in his own hand.

Trailblazer, astride Cloudy, came up behind the party. She took aim with her bow, the goat’s added height making it possible for her to use her longbow. The arrow shot out, whistling through the air to bury itself in the eye of the dwarf Datatello had just angered.  In the time that it flew, she drew another arrow. Before it cleared Cloudy’s head, the goat twisted and caught the arrow, chewing on the wood thoughtfully. Trailblazer stared at her, feeling betrayed.

Arrow still in its eye, the dwarf still stared at Datatello, its hand starting to shudder, opening and closing with a strange regularity, as if on a spring. The dwarf behind it, prone, lifted back to standing, like a fulcrum. Once straight again, he reached behind, drawing a battle-ax from its back. The axe grew, extending both the handle and its blades – blades that started to spin wildly.

The dwarf took a step and swung the spiraling blade at Datatello, slashing into the half-orc hard enough that the monk stepped back, inadvertently dodging the second blow.

The third dwarf standing near Bakaryu held up his arm, his hand popping down, as if on a hinge, and a circular blade came out, spinning menacingly. Before he lunged, he turned, seeing Trailblazer. He turned and started toward her.

Kriv’s eyes narrowed, seeing the change in direction, and lashed out, a blast of electricity arcing through the air toward their attackers. All but the potential leader, wielding the battle-ax, seized suddenly, then fell unceremoniously to the ground.

The leader turned toward his attacker and began stalking toward Trailblazer, a well. Bakaryu acted immediately, stepping in front of him and driving forward with her sword. The dwarf looked at the sword, taking a step forward, still staring at Trailblazer.

Another step.

And he fell slack on the blade.

The team looked around, Bakaryu looking over at her dwarf companion, who was muttering about nightmares, “Maybe you should wear a disguise or something.”

“So Ryu, ask me if I have anything that would work as a disguise for Trailblazer.”

Datatello grinned, “This is a joke he’s been telling lately. I don’t really get it, but it is pretty funny.”

The paladin smiled, “Ok. Kriv, do you have something that we could use as a disguise for Brunhilde?”

Kriv reached into his cloak, digging around a bit, before pulling out a large cloak. It was clearly too large for the dwarf, but it would most certainly hide her from view. He handed it over, “Try this on. If it’s too long, maybe Cloudy will hem it up for you.”

Datatello watched all of it joyfully, “I don’t know what you’re paying for your magic classes, but it’s worth it.”

The others looked at him, but he went peacefully into a meditation. He twirled then brought his quarterstaff down, shouting his holy cry, feeling his body start to heal.

“Maybe you should ask if the wizard has a health potion,” Kriv offered helpfully, frowning when his cloak came into view. The corner snapped him in the face.

“It was a genuine ask,” he grumbled. The corner snapped him the other way.

Bakaryu, realizing that her companion was still injured approached, reaching out to offer him healing.

With the battle over, and the healing done, the group looked around to see the fires creeping in. Kriv cleared his throat, “Wouldn’t it be great if we had some sort of hose and a never-ending supply of water to help put out this fire.”

Datatello smiled, “Ok. Kriv, do you have a hose that we can use to put out this fire?”

The wizard sighed, “It’s not as useful if we don’t have water.” He gestured, as he spoke, a tube started falling out of his robe, and with each gesture, more fell out.

“I recognize this! But listen, Kriv, this isn’t a time for joke.”

Trailblazer shook her head, “Datatello, you live around here – do you know anyone who can help us put this out, so we can continue on?”

A grunting sound, followed by hands waving, became apparent, as Erikuhl started to shout, “I can help!”

She grabbed the tube coming out of Kriv’s cloak and began to run, pulling it. It continued to flow until, finally, the end popped out.

“We need a water source,” Kriv sighed.

Datatello made his way to a nearby entry to the aqueduct below them, while Kriv’s cloak dropped another hose out, as if annoyed. They connected the hoses and, after some additional work and questions, they had a pump to bring water out of the sewer and toward the fire.

They took a moment, breathing deeply and centering themselves, trying to not think about the city burning around them. At some unspoken agreement, they headed out again, Trailblazer gesturing, “Let’s get to the template district.”

A little over halfway there, they came across a dwarf sprawled on the ground, black, spiderwebbed marks on his face, as he struggled to breathe. Datatello called Trailblazer over, and she approached, recognizing him immediately as Wuric, a traveling merchant who had the displeasure of being in town.

“Kill me,” he begged, through harsh breaths, clearly unable to move otherwise, “Please. Please. I don’t want…this.”

She could see the black poison in his skin spreading, the same as Dirk, and Trailblazer waved to Bakaryu, “I need…I’ve seen this before. I don’t know what kind of poison it is.”

The dragonborn approached, holding her holy symbol in her hand and kneeling. She channeled the power of the storm through her, focusing it and shaping it, as she reached down to place her hands on his chest.

Before Trailblazer could shout, to warn her, two needles whipped out, just as they had in the Master of Coffee, but they stopped, evaporating. The black lines on Wuric’s face began to recede; his breathing returned, even and steady, and finally the only indication of his previous condition were two pinpricks on his cheek.

“What happened?”

“Dwarves. Some dwarves attacked,” he muttered, sitting slowly, “focused on dwarves, but they attacked everything. I fend them off as best I could, but something got me with some poison, I guess. I couldn’t do anything. I felt my mind retreating, like I was losing grip of it, like I was being pushed to the back. And there was…this voice. So loud. It just said…all things must be dwarf,” he finished, shaking his head.

Kriv approached then, hand raised, “Still want us to kill you?”

The dwarf blinked rapidly, “No! No, no. I’m ok now.”

As her companions spoke, Bakaryu concentrated on the poison that she had just cleansed. It felt…like power of the undead. Her sense of the divine made it clear, the clawing sense of evil dissipating, along with the poison in the dwarf before her.

“Were the dwarves strange looking?” Trailblazer asked, rubbing her face.

In answer, Wuric began gingerly removing chainmail, asking her for help. While the black had receded, there was already metal plating across his chest. She nearly recoiled but steeled herself, leaning forward. It looked like iron. The aura itself was faint, and growing fainter, but it was there.

“When did this start?” Trailblazer asked.

He shrugged, “Never had it before.”

“How long ago were you attacked?”

“Hard to say when all you know is pain. Every moment is an eternity when you’re in agony.”

No one said anything, and Trailblazer looked bemused.

“Was that too dramatic?”

Datatello scaled a building, feeling that he needed to watch for any further bad news. The fires seemed to have died down, or at least not spread, much to his relief. As he scanned, he saw pockets of dwarves, all heading in the same direction – not speaking, not showing signs of camaraderie, simply…marching.

Trailblazer helped Wuric up, eying the abandoned cart of TaskRays and nodded toward it, “You should get out of town.”

He nodded, taking up his cart, and waving, “Thank you. I, uh, I owe you.”

As the dwarf retreated into the distance, Trailblazer turned back to the party, “So let’s get you to your temple,” she grinned at Bakaryu.

They were close, so it wasn’t long before they entered the courtyard of the temple district, all centered on the towering statue of a flower, multi-colored with the stones and metals that made it. Many of the temples were untouched, but damage had been done to both the Temple of the Maker and Temple of the Storm. Puddles of water surrounded them, clearly the work of magic.

The Temple of the Maker was razed to the ground.

Bakaryu approached the Temple of the Storm, where Longshore, a bronze dragonborn that she knew through the temple was finishing some work.

“You made it, Ryu,” she breathed.

“Yes, I made it. What…happened here?”

“You knew? The dwarves. They came. They did not bring the love. They brought only pain and poison. You’ve seen the poison?”

“Yes – we healed one of them, on the way here.”

“How so?”

“Restoration,” she shrugged, unsure how else to explain it.

“Oh? Good to know that something so simple can do so much good. I will send word.”

“It seems to be undead in nature.”

Longshore nodded, “Yes, we sensed that as well.”

Trailblazer approached, then, “Are they attacking non-dwarves”

The other dragonborn frowned, “They focused on the dwarves. They came and went directly to the temple of the maker. One of them called them traitors, called them…undwarfish.”

Kriv nodded, “A very short conversation.”

Longshore said nothing to the wizard, “He said they were…bringing down, or, no, taking away from dwarves society by trying to allow others to be equal to dwarves. That dwarves were superior, and that if others could not live up to their standards, then they should live in the dirt.”

Datatello pointed, “Did they go in that direction, when they left?”

Longshore nodded, “Yes.”

The other party members turned to look in the direction, trying to determine what they could be headed toward. No one could put their finger on what they could be headed toward – it seemed innocuous. But they knew, at least, that that was the direction they needed to head in.

It’s that time again!

Last year I did a thing to help raise money for ExtraLife, and I introduced the world to Brunhilda Battlehammer, AKA Trailblazer, AKA my dwarf ranger character for DnDF16.

tblzr

THIS dwarf ranger

I have news for you all…

SHE IS BACK WITH A VENGEANCE! And by vengeance, I simply mean that I will be reprising this role for DnDF17!

Shame on me, late to the party and such, but if you’re curious/interested/want to watch me and some of my Salesforce friends do this thing…it starts TONIGHT at 9pm EST!

Details here: https://cloudforcecollective.com/dndf17/

And, perhaps most importantly, why are we doing this? Yes, it’s fun. Yes, it’s an excuse to hang out virtually with some of my favorite people. But it’s also a really important thing we’re doing. This is part of the ExtraLife fundraising initiative, a nonprofit that allows gamers (like me) to give back to something that matters.

Here’s why we’re participating: https://cloudforcecollective.com/2017/10/16/ddf17-why/

Ready Admin One

Or what video games have taught me as a Salesforce admin (and consultant).

I realize that this will come as a shock to almost 0% of my audience, but I like to play video games. Mostly long (100 hour plus) RPGs with rich stories, well-developed characters, or at least enough of one to mask the lack of the other.

Growing up I didn’t have a game console. It wasn’t until I was an adult, free to make my own choices and eschew responsibilities as I saw fit, that I really started getting into them. As an avid reader and someone who revels in the feeling of accomplishing a task, they’re kind of perfect. There’s a story, and there are clear steps and tasks presented that have clear success or fail requirements. You know…not at all like real life.

All the same, I’ve been able to apply a lot of things from my hobby to my job. If you’re a fellow gamer, you might recognize some these things, too.

Leveling up can be a grind

I am a trophy hunter. If there is an achievement to be unlocked in a game, I’ll probably go after it. Enter: Skyrim.

One of the last trophies I earned before getting platinum was the silver Master trophy, for reaching Level 50. I had completed the main game with two different characters. I had finished all of the side faction storylines, but I still wasn’t quite there. So I did what any other Skyrim fan has done – I started grinding through low-level abilities to get that sweet XP. I made so many daggers; I cleared so many dungeons. It was boring.

platinum700

But I got the trophy. And I got the platinum.

Twice. (Thank you, Bethesda, for re-releasing it on the PS4.)

If you think that only applies to games, you’ve obviously never gone after multiple Salesforce certifications. Reading and re-reading release notes, help articles, the study guide, blog posts, Trailhead, etc. It takes some serious heads-down time to study for some of the certifications out there, and yeah, it can be really boring. But at then end, you have a brand new certification.

Side quests

It’s Monday morning for the solo admin, and they have their week planned out. Got some Trailhead badges to earn, a new dashboard to build, and a meeting with the steering committee. They have one goal this week: deploy a new custom object and flow, to support a functional group that is adopting Salesforce.

preston

Except….

A user needs a password reset.

Another user deleted a record but they can’t remember which one, and they need it back.

An executive needs a report of all sales in 2012, for some reason they have deemed unimportant to share.

And on and on and on. Each random task may only take a handful of minutes, but those minutes start to add up, and soon your inbox is full of minor requests that may have a time limit attached to them. At least all experience is good experience, right?

It’s good to recruit companions

dangerousEven non-gamers know this one.

It’s not impossible to finish quests and storylines alone, of course. But misery and joy and struggle…pretty much everything loves company. So why wouldn’t you recruit companions? Especially if they can fill in gaps in your abilities or knowledge.

Most of us already know the importance of the community, so I can pretty much just…leave this here, right? Ohana, my peeps.

Once a completionist…

This is actually a thing (read about the Zeigarnik Effect here). Once a gamer (or an admin) starts on a quest, we have to finish it. Luckily many of these tasks have definitive end-games.

Slay the dragon.

Deploy the change set.

Find the pan.

Build the report.

We obsess over the things we haven’t completed. How many of us have gone to sleep, thinking about data schema, only to wake up with the answer and excitedly go about building what we imagined?

How many of us have to get all the Trailhead badges? (BTW, if you think Trailhead hasn’t taken into account some of what I’m writing about here, you aren’t paying attention.)

And it’s not just video games

Ultimately it comes down to liking the feeling of solving a puzzle. Admins are problem-solvers. We are people that like to get our hands dirty, play with something, and make it work. For me it’s like video games. For some people it’s like puzzles or building things.

We are the people who stay up into the wee hours, searching the community, building and rebuilding our flows, until it is done.

And bonus! Now I can check this particular task off my list.

Skeleton-King-Quest-Complete

Miniature Magic: Nurgle Chaos Warrior

A little back story: Eric and I were up North last weekend visiting some of his friends, and we spent Sunday morning/afternoon in a game store playing Warhammer 40K. While there, we picked up some Valejo paints for historical miniatures, specifically some German WWII colors. We’ve been slowly switching from Citadel paints (made by Games Workshop) to Valejo because the Citadel paints dry out too quickly.

With these new paints in hand, a new unit of Chaos Warriors to paint for my Warhammer army, I decided to try some of the drab green colors and paint the unit devoted to Nurgle.

Here’s what I came up with:

For the armor, I did a base coat with the Olive Drab

The Valejo paints dry a lot flatter than the Citadel paints, so the color is subtle. I actually preferred that for what I was doing.

A little dry brush with German Green

I dry brushed and highlighted the armor (and shield) with German Green, which is obviously much lighter. I didn’t like how light it was when I first tried this, but the solution was easy, and this two-tone under coat makes the final color a little more realistic.

Now paint over them with Catachan Green

Catachan is a Citadel paint, but that’s alright. It’s hard to see in the picture, but with the lighter green against the olive, there are natural highlights now.

Some details getting done, now

Here’s his backside

For the cape and leather bits, I used Valejo’s chocolate brown, another flat color. Then I highlighted.

Sword done and horns fully painted

Finished!

The final touches were some white tips on the fur of his cape, the highlights on the sword, shield, and leather bits. And then I painted the puss coming out of his helmet. It’s sufficiently gross.

All together, the two that I finished yesterday were some of the best I’ve painted. As it turns out, having the right kind of paint is a real help. They took a combined 2.5 – 3 hours. Only 10 more to go, too. Oh boy.

Went to see The Amazing Spiderman today, which was fantastic. I have to be honest; we were planning on going to see that this weekend anyway, then waiting for the crowds to thin for Batman, but after what happened in Aurora, I don’t know…it’s all very surreal.

I also gathered all of the supplies for birthday gifts! I will post those as I finish them (blanket, pillow, curtains).