So in my last post, I mentioned that the world had given me lemons. I’ve collected a few more fruits since that post, and the road has been bumpy.
And then yesterday I did something I haven’t done in a relatively long time. I took out my sewing machine. I wasn’t tackling a new project or some great creative idea; we switched from khakis to black pants at work, and I had to hem a pair before I went in to close. It was a simple task, but I found the physical work soothing. Concentrating on measuring, placing pins straight, winding a bobbin…all of these easy and seemingly mundane tasks, well, I felt more real than I have in a long time.
I have another pair that need hemmed, and I close again tonight, so I hope to find that same simple joy this afternoon before heading in for the chaos.
It also amazes me still how even just bringing up the legs of pants I bought at a store can boost my confidence. I walked into work yesterday thinking “yeah…these pants look so good because I made them look good.”
I’m still not feeling ready to explore crafts more deeply again. I took out the sewing machine because one pair of pants for working a full time schedule is just not enough. It was a labor of necessity, not one of love, but if I have to force myself to do these things and then find joy in them, then so be it.
If I had to sum up what I’ve been feeling most lately, it’s foolish. For years I was wrapped up in trickster mythology – Coyote, Raven, Hermes, etc. The idea of the Fool was one that I was drawn to; a wise character whose wisdom blinds them to wise choices. Fools and Tricksters were often revered as a marvelous teachers. It falls to us to learn from their follies. They were stark reflections of our own poor choices, and our own need to learn from mistakes, no matter how smart we are.
Coyote, specifically, was one of my favorites. Coyote laughs when he should cry, and he cries when others laugh. I have cried a lot lately, and this morning I thought “perhaps I should laugh instead.” I did, and it lifted my spirits. So the Trickster proves again his wisdom, and I learn once again that I have much to learn.
Today I’m going to pick myself up enough to hem that last pair of pants. It seems trivial, but in a strange way, for me, it is the most important thing in the world.